i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
