did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
