just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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