the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
