The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
