i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
