he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
