What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
