The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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