Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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