I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
