i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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