Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
