If i come over, it means nothing
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
