My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
