hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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