I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
