so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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