If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
