My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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