Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
