we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
