I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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