I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
