He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
