Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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