"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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