Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
