I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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