He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
