Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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