cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
