Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
two words...techno handjob
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
