Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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