im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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