We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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