my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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