You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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