He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
