Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
