so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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