what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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