Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
