I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
