All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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