It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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