Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
