You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
