Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
