Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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