Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
