i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
