my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
