i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
